SARASOTA, FL - After suffering under Pipeline Church's "redonkulously slow" 3 Mbps internet connection for years, local teen Xander Medford finally got an appointment with Pastor John Wylie, at which the youth passionately argued that upgrading the church's WiFi is actually a gospel issue.
The teenager calls himself a "social activist" who advocates for important gospel-centered causes like making sure the church has fast enough internet for him to browse Instagram during the services.
"If you don't see the need to get us at least up to a 100-megabit download speed, you are preaching an incomplete gospel," the teen implored the pastor at their scheduled meeting Wednesday afternoon. "I call on you to repent of your years of keeping your head in the sand on these issues, and to get on the

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