How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

Let’s say you’re in a couple play situation where there is lots of alcohol involved and one husband is feral for the other guy’s wife, to the exclusion of everything else. If his wife is upset by this, and there is almost zero chance the drinking will be less, it seems like continuing the play another time will just lead to more hurt. Is there a way through this? The husband is not interested in moving forward if his wife is hurt by his drunken behavior, but is it worth trying again if his intent is to be more conscious of how his wife is doing during play?

—Tunnel Vision

Dear Tunnel Vision,

I think the most prudent thing to do here is to consid

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