It's race day. But don't concern yourself with the Melbourne Cup. Other events are infinitely more interesting.

There's the Sudden Expert Sprint. Blokes in offices across the land who never pay any attention to horse racing will today be instant experts, telling colleagues (who haven't asked) which horse they're certain will win. Normally well spoken, today they affect the spiel of the trackside spiv, certain they're impressing everyone and not noticing the raised eyebrows which silently say, "Dickhead".

The Sweep Stakes can start early in the day but are often left to the last minute - and the office junior - because no one else could be bothered organising it. But once the spreads from the newspapers have been cut up, there's no escaping.

Junior will find you - even if it means standi

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