U.S. — In defiance of federal directives, the Texas National Guard has bolstered security at the southern border with the strategic deployment of giant sandworms that swim underneath the desert sand and swallow up approaching immigrant caravans.

"The southern border is now impenetrable," said Major General Stephen Muad'Dib. "And because the sandworms generate a resource called Spice, it attracts criminal drug cartels like moths to a flame. We expect the war on drugs to be over in a matter of weeks."

Also known as Shai-Hulud, the sandworms are native to the desert planet of Arrakis. They are attracted to sound, making the entire border region an inhospitable place for Mexicans and Texans alike. As such, President Biden has accused Texas of violating human rights concerns in their quest to

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