KYIV - President Zelensky has reportedly contacted the White House to arrange the return of Ben Stiller who was sent to Ukraine by mistake. According to sources, he had requested Will Ferrell via mail-order from America's stock of pandering celebrities.

"This is an enormous mistake," Zelensky told UN ambassadors. "Who is this Stiller? I want loud man-child with curly hair that makes the funny! My troops will accept nothing less!"

"Have you seen Elf ? It is a modern Christmas classic!"

Ben Stiller was reportedly embarrassed by the terrible mix-up and offered to follow him around for a while and put together a documentary.

"I'm sorry, Volodymyr, but I'm also a director. Let me tell your story," Stiller said.

"Ha! No thanks, we've had enough Sean Penns for a lifetime. Leave me, Simple

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