I was a top magazine editor, but behind the success I was secretly unravelling

Recently, and not for the first time, I felt a thick throb of recognition when Caroline Flack’s mum Christine talked about the loss of her beloved daughter ahead of a new documentary about Caroline’s death.

“Her work was her main coping mechanism,” Christine told The Guardian of Caroline’s life-long mental-health struggles – which included suicidality and self-harm – making it clear that her career as a TV presenter was both an escape valve and kept entirely separate from her private difficulties. “She was really ashamed. She didn’t want to be known for that.”

Her words sent me back 11 years to my own suicide attempt while I was at the height of my career in magazines, editing Time Out New York and living in Manhattan. It was not my first; I’d struggled with depression and self