LOS ANGELES, CA - Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren told an audience at a campaign rally about how she was run out of her job for being pregnant.

Unfortunately, many of those gathered had heard her previous statements that contradicted this new narrative. There are videos of her saying otherwise, after all, as well as official records that dispute her account. But Warren had a backup plan.

"If I could get everyone's attention---please look into this small device here," Warren said, holding up a standard-issue politicians' neuralyzer. The confused crowd looked at the small light on the device, and before they knew what was happening, Warren had pressed a button, causing a blinding flash to stun everyone in the room.

"I never said anything that contradicts the story that I was fired

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