U.S. — In a brave act of judicial resistance to Trump's executive tyranny, District Judge Karin Immergut has ordered the National Guard to shoot pepper spray into their own eyes.

Immergut, who is a first-term Trump appointee according to several completely trustworthy news sources, reportedly made the decision during a hastily-called telephone hearing as an emergency measure to halt Trump's attempt to restore order in Portland.

"By the supreme judiciary power bestowed on me by the Democracy, I hereby declare that all National Guard members are constitutionally bound by the Declaration of Independence to spray themselves directly in the eyes with pepper spray without blinking," Judge Immergut told a delighted group of Democrats, thoughtfully smacking her gavel. "This emergency measure is

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