In "Tiffany Haddish Goes Off," the comedian travels to Africa with three childhood friends. From left Selena Martin, Shermona Long and Sparkle Clark.
Tiffany Haddish attempts to resolve some of her emotional challenges in "Tiffany Haddish Goes Off."

For the eponymously named “Tiffany Haddish Goes Off,” the “Girls Trip” the actress is not packing light.

In the six-episode docuseries now streaming in its entirety on Peacock, Tiffany Haddish and three childhood friends enjoy a month-long trip to Africa. Visiting places like Cape Town, Victoria Falls and Zanzibar, they brave adventurous excursions, like ziplining and bungee jumping, and attempt even more daunting tasks: inner work. Haddish, 45, speaks candidly about the challenges of the last few years, including the end of her relationship with Common in 2021, the loss of her grandmother in 2022, a pair of arrests on suspicion of DUI in 2022 and 2023, her fear of abandonment, eight miscarriages, and the intense scrutiny she faces as a celebrity in the spotlight. Haddish confides that she’s "always vulnerable."

“Does the world think so? Probably not,” Haddish tells USA TODAY. “They have no idea I'm on the verge of tears on a regular basis, because I'm just a big baby, and that's the first form of communication. But I use my jokes or the true joy I feel for even being alive to mask those feelings sometimes.”

After 'self-marriage' ceremony: ‘I see somebody who is whole’

Throughout the docuseries, Haddish brings up the idea of marrying herself, a notion she first thought of in 2018, when she was seeing a man she describes as a “buckethead.” He asked her, “’How are you ever going to get you a husband if you don’t do what I tell you to do?’” Haddish recalls in the docuseries. “And I was like, ‘I’ll be my husband. I could take care of me better than you could.’”

“I started realizing all these things I want from somebody else, I need to be giving to me,” Haddish tells USA TODAY. “And if I'm able to do that, when that person shows up, it’s going to be so easy for us to come together.”

During the self-marriage ceremony in Episode 5, Haddish vows to celebrate her triumphs, persevere, and refuse to settle for less, as she’s often done. She marks her commitment by kissing a mirror and stepping on a glass, a well-known custom in Judaism. Haddish, who is of Jewish ancestry, had a bat mitzvah at 40.

Though her wedding may strike many as unconventional, Haddish feels its significance deeply.

“I used to not show up for myself, do everything for everybody else and not take care of me,” Haddish says. “And ever since I got married to me, baby, them boundaries − I see a difference in the way I wake up in the morning, and how I look in the mirror. When I look at myself, I see somebody who is whole, still fragile, but well taken care of."

She's still open to find love, but she's set high standards, she explains: "Everything that I'm doing for me − if a man can do that better than me, that's my man!”

Haddish was photographed on Halloween with actor Toby Sandeman, after going public with her crush on the “Running Point” star. But Haddish says they are just friends.

Heartbreak while yearning to be a mom: ‘But I am actually happy with where God has brought me’

One of the most moving moments of the series arrives when Haddish opens up about her numerous miscarriages during a reading with a medium. Haddish says that, due to endometriosis, she’s lost eight children, and asks during one exercise if she’s supposed to have babies. “I think all my babies that I lost, I think they were all boys,” Haddish says in the docuseries. “I think men, they come in my life, give me hope, (sometimes) a little bit of joy, and then they go away.”

When asked about plans for motherhood today, Haddish tells USA TODAY that she’s open to “whatever God has in store...I feel like I've already raised a lot of kids,” Haddish says, adding, “I've worked with thousands of children (in) the foster care system, (those) struggling at the youth center where I worked doing the bat and bar mitzvahs (as an entertainer). I raised my brothers and sisters. I was married to a man (William Stewart from 2008-2013) that had kids, and those kids still keep in contact with me.”

“At this point, I'm really satisfied with where I am,” Haddish continues. “It's crazy to say it out loud sometimes, but I am actually happy with where God has brought me. The journey that I've been on has made me really appreciate life, and really appreciate being a human.”

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Tiffany Haddish explains why she 'married' herself, is frequently 'on the verge of tears'

Reporting by Erin Jensen, USA TODAY / USA TODAY

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