CORUSCANT — Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly recruited the recently retired athlete to train its stormtroopers to shoot.

"She's the perfect fit for the job," said General Cassio Tagge of the move. "The Empire has carried on a long tradition of poor marksmanship. It is one of the bedrocks of everything we have built in the galaxy. Bringing Megan Rapinoe on staff to train new troops will ensure that tradition continues. If anyone knows about missing important shots, it's this dude with the funny-colored hair."

Imperial leadership had grown concerned in recent months after new classes of stormtroopers were reportedly hitting their targets with an increased rate of accuracy. "Word came down directly f

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