Editor’s note : This article is a lighthearted and educational exploration of orbital mechanics; no one is seriously proposing that we launch criminals—or anyone—into the Sun. Well, not that we’re aware of.

We live in changing times. While we once flippantly threw villains to the lions, now we seek to fire them into the Sun.

It sounds easy enough. The Sun is unbelievably massive, with gravity sufficient to keep the planets in their orbits over billions of years. How hard can it be?

Well, it may be harder than you think.

Fire away

The obvious way to fire someone into the Sun is the direct approach, as shown in South Park Season 1 . Point a rocket at the Sun and fire. But can that work?

For a start, the rocket has to reach a speed greater than 11 kilometers per second [6.8 miles per

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