How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

I’m a female in a three-way relationship with my girlfriend “Talia” and our boyfriend “Karl.” Talia recently had a miscarriage, her third, although her first with Karl. She has been devastated.

We’ve been doing all we can to support her, but she’s in a bad way. And she has aggressively rejected all contact with Karl—she won’t even be in the same room with him for more than a few minutes. She also, very aggressively, almost desperately, wants to have sex with me. I mean, we were intimate before, but there’s an edge to it now—a need that seems new and I don’t think is healthy. We’ve tried to get her to seek therapy, but she’s rejected it, claiming s

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