The thing is, if I was president, dumb stuff like “presidential pardons for turkeys” would be my favorite part of the job. It’s a chance for a president to shake off the dry, serious, life-or-death side of the job and show some whimsy, humor and lightness. Obviously, Donald Trump is incapable. You can tell that he’s miserable whenever they make him do a lighter holiday event, like Thanksgiving turkey pardons or giving out Halloween candy (he hates that) or the White House Easter egg hunt (he loathes that as well).

Well, this year, Trump pardoned two North Carolina turkeys, Gobble and Waddle. Do you think staffers giggled to themselves at having a turkey named Waddle given Trump’s “waddle,” aka his neck-vagine? Trump was absolutely ridiculous in what should have been the best part of h

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