You could put a mustache on a ham sandwich left out in the rain, and I would think, Hmm, maybe he’d like to go on a date with me? So you know that I am absolutely in love with Whitner, the impossibly named new addition to the crew who is not Whitney and has a much worse dress sense. There’s one confessional where he’s ’stache-free, and I didn’t recognize him and wanted him off my screen immediately. Suddenly, he was just a ham sandwich left out in the rain. But at Salley’s beach party, oooh, girl. You’d better watch out. Just the right amount of chest hair, a body that says “I go to the gym but also love Domino’s,” and an ass that is the product of countless dead lifts, and that could strike me dead and lift me up all at the same time. I’m down bad, and the only thing that can save me is

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