The country is more divided than ever, housing prices have hit an all-time high, and many denizens of the United States of America fantasize about fleeing abroad. But other citizenships aren’t so easy to come by, so I’ve been hard at work mocking up some new domestic states for consideration.

Chermegli

State Bird: The crying skirt steak

State Motto: “Home is where your house is—in Chermegli.”

State Rash: Eczema

Tarpanina

State Flower: Secretary’s bane

State Motto: “Free your skeleton.”

State Secret: He’s harmless, but there is a guy living in that shed.

Bunly

State Nickname: The Creamy Leftovers State

State Motto: “Oops, I left it in Bunly.”

State Gemstone: The humble pebble.

New Xester

State Dish: Tomato thwack

State Motto: “ Libertas, tempus solitarium, salsa. ” (Transla

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