WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a long-awaited move that signaled a turning point in the war against evil and lawlessness, the U.S. State Department announced that it had officially classified the Los Angeles Dodgers as a terrorist organization.

The decision — which came after discussion among various government agencies, the White House, and Major League Baseball teams — finally answered the outcry raised by sports fans and decent human beings for many years, confirming that the Dodgers posed a serious threat to the American way of life.

"They're an evil of such immense scale that we couldn't deny it any longer," said Secretary of State Marco Rubio while announcing the move. "Despite numerous warnings over the years, the Los Angeles Dodgers have failed to turn away from their nefarious acts, leav

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