Harvard Warns Loss Of Federal Funding Will Cripple Their Ability To Find A Final Solution To The Jewish Problem

CAMBRIDGE, MA — In the wake of the Trump administration freezing $2.3 billion in federal funding to Harvard University, leaders of the university are sounding the alarm that the loss of funding will severely cripple their ability to find a final solution to the Jewish Problem.

The Jewish Problem, according to Harvard, is that there are many Jews on campus and these Jews believe they have a right to attend classes without being harmed, even though they are Jews. Trump had frozen federal funding in part over a disagreement with the university's tolerance for violent antisemitism on campus, which Harvard says may actually be part of the solution they've been trying to find.

"We have to solve the Jewish Problem," said University spokesperson Abdul Muhammed Al-Muhammed. "Federal funds being f