It had about as much drama and suspense as reading a dictionary or watching election results come in from North Korea.

To the surprise of no one, Donald Trump won the inaugural Fifa peace prize on Friday at a cheesy, gaudy and gauche World Cup draw expertly designed to flatter the world’s most precious ego.

“This is your prize – this is your peace prize!” gushed Gianni Infantino , the bald-headed Fifa president, after Trump took the stage at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in snowy Washington.

There on a plinth, with “Donald J Trump” emblazoned on it in capital letters, was the uncoveted trophy: a golden globe resting on five golden hands big enough to compensate any tiny-handed recipient feeling sore about the Nobel peace prize.

But wait, there was more. “There i

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