Scottish Parliament Declares William Wallace Was A Woman After Learning He Wore A Skirt

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND — The Scottish Parliament declared this week that William Wallace was definitely a woman because most paintings and statues we have of the historical figure depict him wearing a skirt.

"Aye, yes," declared Scottish cabinet member Francis MacDonald. "He was a woman for sure. I mean, she was a woman for sure. Look at that plaid skirt she was wearing here in this old painting. A lass, plain and simple, and anyone who says otherwise will be arrested on the spot."

The rest of the statement was unintelligible due to MacDonald's thick Scottish accent.

The declaration comes on the heels of a new hate speech law in Scotland that makes it illegal to misgender a trans person. After noticing paintings and statues of Scottish freedom fighter William Wallace wearing a skirt, pro