VATICAN CITY — To clarify previous remarks on the nature of priestly blessings and same-sex couples, the See of Peter formally announced all such blessings are only appropriate if the priest ends the blessing by quickly adding, "No homo."

"I hope that clears things up," said Pope Francis in his native Spanish, which was then translated to Italian, then to Latin, back to Italian, and finally to English. "It's not gay to be homo."

"Wait, what did he mean by that?" said Thomas Archibald, a Catholic layman. "Can I go be gay now? I'm gonna go be gay."

Anticipating further confusion, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a statement clarifying that every statement by Pope Francis should be understood as having a silent "no homo" added to the end of it. "The Pope always speaks

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