Dear Annie: My stepson is 22 and autistic. For 12 years, he lived with us half the time and with his mother the other half. During those years, I was very involved in his life—I went into his classroom to help with his needs, drove him to school and appointments, took him shopping and spent time just hanging out with him. I truly tried to be a loving, steady parental figure.

As he got older and bigger, things changed. He became more volatile. He has put holes in walls, broken furniture and been physically violent toward my husband. Three years ago, he threatened me directly, and before that he stalked one of my daughters online. My children and I are genuinely afraid of him.

At that point, I told my husband he had one year to find other living arrangements for his son because I no longer

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