AGREED to the office Secret Santa and were handed an entirely unfamiliar name? And now you’ve got to buy them a present? Consider these cursory gifts:

Toilet golf

Mildly amusing idea, but in practice a waste of money, time and the planet’s resources. Will be binned unless the recipient has an ongoing constipation problem, spends endless painful hours on the toilet and has no phone. Fingers crossed!

A plastic elf that shits chocolate

Disgusting, unless this mystery colleague has a kink for elf coprophilia they’ve kept to themselves. However, deeply amusing for a slow-brained boring git with a crude sense of humour which describes at least half of your co-workers, so odds-on it’ll be a hit.

Bottle opener

Even in the shape of a Christmas tree or whatever, still an item so universal and

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