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Q. My husband of nine years died in a car crash three years ago. I continued to spend the holidays with his parents each year. Last year his mother passed away so his father is all alone. My new fiancé doesn’t think we should spend the holidays with my former father-in-law. I understand his point of view, but this man has been family for years. He’s is 80 years old and all alone. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. First of all, I want to acknowledge the depth of your compassion and the complexities of your situation. Your loyalty to your former father-in-law is commendable, and it’s understandable that you want to continue providing support to someone who’s been a part of your life for so long.

As for your fiancé’s point of view, that’s understanda

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