WASHINGTON, D.C. - Polls conducted by Pew Research found today that scores of Americans have converted to the religion that doesn't allow vaccines, though many had difficulty putting a name to their newfound faith.

"Oh yeah, I finally turned my heart over to the, uh, God person," said longtime atheist Steve Book. "And he - or she? - definitely said no vaccines for Steve. It's a really important part of my new religion, all over the pages of that leather-bound thing, God's Book Of Rules, or whatever. Can I get my exemption now?"

The survey showed that while mainline denominations continue to see a membership decline, the number of people who believe in weird-sounding religions that might not believe in vaccines has grown exponentially. Pew reported that 5% of respondents selected 'Pew' as

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