HONOLULU — Local skateboarding bulldog Excalibur reportedly pushes the board with his back legs instead of his front ones like a dork, according to its disappointed owner Kevin Willrick.

“Sure, it’s cool having a skateboarding dog, but why does he have to be such a poser?” said Willrick while browsing the animal shelter’s website for a different dog to adopt. “It’s always been my dream to be one of those guys who owns a dog that shreds, but there is no world that I ever imagined it’d push mongo. I just didn’t think it was possible. Plus, I bought him this sweet Hockey board with Ace trucks, and those new soft Spitfire wheels, but all he wants to ride is this ratty old Nash board he found in the garbage; the thing has plastic trucks. I wonder if the adoption center has a return policy.”

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