Ranking flavors of Zoa, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's mostly mid energy drink

The Rock is pretty much everywhere nowadays. Well, not the latest WrestleMania, but other than that...

Dwayne Johnson's transition from football prospect to pro wrestler to one of the box office's biggest movie draws has been a showcase of his remarkable work ethic and inherent charisma. So too has been his foray into branding. The Rock is a figure behind several products, from spring football to tequila.

This creates a conundrum. Johnson's entire persona is that of a crowd pleasing superhero. He plays to the widest possible audience. He is McDonald's. He is Pepsi. He is a conglomerate of inoffensive ideas and safe plays in order to sell to the largest cohort.

When he does takes risks and deviates from broad appeal, like his WrestleMania 40 WWE heel turn, it happens only when the market dictates. And, thus, he's a little tough to trust. How good can something be from the human equivalent of the Pop Rocks SiriusXM channel?

He entered the energy drink orbit at large a few years back with Zoa, jumping into another crowded field where everything tastes sorta the same to begin with. It entered my energy drink orbit the way most competitors do. It was marked down to about $1 per can at Costco, which is the sweet spot for a man with a terminal case of poor brain like your intrepid writer.

Each can brings the same vibe upon pouring. Lots of bubbles, sweet artificial fruit flavors (it is a 10 calorie drink after all) and the acidic tang that's a hallmark for the majority of energy drinks. With that out of the way, let's talk about the flavors.

Zoa isn't reinventing the wheel, which is fine. No one is clamoring for bespoke cans of Monster or Rockstar. But there's room for originality inside the somewhat narrow confines of the genre. Celsius addresses this by putting out new flavors seemingly every month and figuring out what sticks. Zoa moves a little more slowly, like Travis Scott at WrestleMania 41, lounging his way to the ring to disappoint fans. New extensions have arrived. I haven't tried all of them, but I've gotten through most of them.

Here's how they rank.

8. Green Apple: C

This isn't technically sour apple... but c'mon, it's sour apple. There's a certain Blow Pop familiarity that rolls up your nostrils and into your brain as soon as you open the can. It's nostalgic and pleasant and, given the acidic nature of an energy drink, should be a solid match.

Despite my initial reaction, the Granny Smith sourness is minor. Instead you get a lot of sugar substitute and not enough of a tart, dry finish. The apple flavor is big, but boring. It's as artificial as you'd expect, but doesn't lean hard enough toward the familiar Blow Pop flavor that gave the can so much promise at first.

So it's just sorta... there. It's totally fine to drink, just not a flavor you'd seek out.

7. Cherry Limeade: C

This should be an easy home run. Cherry is an easy target for artificial sweetener. Lime works well with the inherent acid of an energy drink. And limeades in general are great.

Zoa, however, doesn't deliver on that last part. The cherry washes over everything, coating it with a dull Splenda-like sheen. The lime is muted, and instead of giving the end of each sip a dry, sour kick to keep you coming back for more you just get... more cherry. The limeade is minimal when it should take a larger role, leaving you with a sloppy finish. The acidity you want in the finish only really shows up stuck to your teeth at the end, which is annoying.

Even so, it's a perfectly cromulent caffeine delivery service. The issue is it turns out generic when it could be a flagship flavor. You don't see many cherry limeades along the energy drink spectrum. Instead of making something that stands out, Zoa managed to blend in.

6. Pineapple Coconut: C+

Pina colada has slowly been rising up the energy drink ranks in recent years -- Rockstar's recovery version is pretty solid. That sets the bar high for this one. A hollow coconut smell upon cracking the can makes me feel like we're not gonna get there.

The coconut is a bit sharper when you take a sip, but undeniably artificial and slightly acrid. The pineapple is stuck with a supporting role, which is probably to cut back on the overall acidity but in this case leaves you feeling like you're chowing through a bag of shredded confectioner's coconut. That lingers through the aftertaste, which is a little unpleasant.

It still works, but it's unbalanced and disappointing. There's a little more depth here than in the Green Apple, but Pineapple Coconut is a low-tier Zoa flavor.

5. Frosted Grape: C+

It pours a rich purple but smells vaguely stale. There's an almost toast-like essence trapped in the bubbles, which is a bit unusual. I don't know what the "frosted" is in context to here, but I'm not picking up any of its possible definitions once this is in a glass.

The taste falls in line with that. The grape is straight out of generic knock-off soda. Toward the end it takes a weird, almost malty turn.

The snap of the Wild Orange isn't there, so that lingers a while after each sip. So you're left with a boring flavor and a sloppy finish. But it's sweet and ultimately unoffensive.

4. Lemon Lime: B

Lemon Lime is a tricky target to hit. The flavor of Sprite is etched into our minds at this point. Anything else feels like a pale imitation, even when it's good.

Zoa's approach is to ratchet up the lime and sugar. The result far outpaces the actual (cherry) limeade in the brand's portfolio. There's a full-bodied balance of sweet and tart that make this stand out from other lemon-lime blends that fall short. It feels almost like a soda before that citrus sour clocks in to snap off each sip.

That acidity does build over time, which dents the replay value here. Then again, it's an energy drink that clocks in at 13.3 milligrams of caffeine per ounce, so you probably aren't drinking too many to begin with. Ultimately, it's solid.

3. Wild Orange: B+

Despite the mild twist of the descriptor, this is a pretty basic orange flavor. That's fine! The citrus is bright and crisp. The flavor is full bodied and almost creamy.

Like the best versions of Zoa, it finishes cleanly, upping the replay value and giving off some Orange Crush vibes in the process. It works better over ice, but is solid out of the can as well. There's nothing unique going on with this flavor, but Zoa gets it right.

2. Tropical Punch: B+

This pours a deep lavender and smells like orange and cherry and a little bit of lime. That blend holds through when you taste it. The fruit flavor runs deep, and though there's a dedicated sweetness here it's not overpowering.

That's because that minor lime and inherent acidity bring things back from being a Hawaiian Punch type clone. It works really well over ice, with the fruit punch thickness thinned out a bit. That also gives you the illusion of hydration while you're putting down 160 milligrams of caffeine, which is nice.

1. White Peach: A

The smell coming out of the can is straight gummy ring candy. There's sharp peach with an acidic zing to mimic the granulated sugar you'd find on top.

Yep, that's pretty much what you get. Sweet and tangy and with a certain crispness that leans into those flavors. This makes it tremendously crushable, which is great if you need a fast caffeine boost but less so if it's your second or third can of the day.

That makes it the flagship flavor I thought cherry limeade could be. White peach isn't entirely original, but it's not a common extension across the energy drink world. Zoa's version is proof it should be.

This article originally appeared on For The Win: Ranking flavors of Zoa, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's mostly mid energy drink

Reporting by Christian D'Andrea, For The Win / For The Win

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