Dear Abby: I'm an older gay male with many gay friends, but I have never come out to family, although I'm confident most of them know or suspect my sexual orientation.

I invited my cousin and her husband to a small get-together before an event here in the city near my house. I also invited a few close (gay) friends who were attending the event. I'm fairly close with this cousin but have never talked about my sexual orientation with her.

One of my friends is very open about his life and I asked him politely to refrain from talking about it when meeting my cousin and her husband for the first time. He agreed, although he was a bit taken aback. He later called me a "homophobe." Was I wrong to ask that those personal details not be a part of the conversation?

— Discreet in the East

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