CUPERTINO, CA

Recent changes to Apple’s Siri and Maps mean that Mennonites across the Americas will have the chance to receive directions to the nearest Chicken Chef in a comforting Plautdietsch accent. Starting January 15, iPhone users will now have the option of selecting “Mannanite voice” from the list of options.

“We went down to Menno Colony, Paraguay and recorded 80-year-old Mrs. Aggie Toews speaking for a few hours,” explained Apple CEO Tim Cook. “Let me tell you, it’s the sexiest Siri voice we’ve ever had.”

Mrs. Toews’ voice is used for Siri and for giving driving directions, though some have noted there are a few glitches.

“Whenever I use the Maps function there’s always some old man’s voice interrupting in the background, saying, ‘Nah, Aggie, dat’s not the right way at all ya

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