UNDISCLOSED - "Huh? Where am I?" billionaire Elon Musk said in a slurred voice as he awoke from a tortured rest. He winced and groaned as he felt anew the pain from the bruises on his face and all over his body. He tried to reach up and touch his face, but found he was tied to a chair.

"Oh. Oh man."

Musk had a vague memory of a black car pulling up near his Texas home and some men in black getting out, beating him up, and throwing him in the car. "I've got to get out of here! My Twitter fans need to hear my thoughts on how great Dogecoin is! And think of all the based memes they're missing out on!"

"Oh, don't worry," said a man in a black suit and sunglasses, stepping out of the shadows. "We've taken good care of your public appearance while you've been... away."

"Who are you! What did

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