TEXAS — The Senate has voted to relocate all razor wire from the Texas-Mexico border to the Ukraine-Russia border. Democrats celebrated the end of the cruel, inhumane form of defense that should never have been used to protect Americans.

The bill will require all razor wire currently adorning the Texan landscape to be carefully dismantled and shipped across the Atlantic to provide an extra layer of defense for Ukraine where it will then instantly become lifesaving and virtuous.

"The razor wire on the Texas border must be removed at once as using such a horrible tool to secure the land of average Americans is a total abomination," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "Razor wire may only be used outside the Capitol to secure the place where politicians work -- or, of course, in Ukraine."

Speaking

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