Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

My mom feels very strongly about showering before bed every single night. The idea of going to bed “dirty” is repulsive to her. My kids shower about every other day at home, and my 10-year-old son whines about doing it that often. My kids spend a week with my parents every summer, and in past years, the nightly shower has been a power struggle between my very stubborn mom and my equally stubborn son. This year, before he left, I told my son I’d pay him a dollar for every shower he took at grandma’s house without complaining, as long as he didn’t tell her about our arrangement.

I just picked my kids up yesterday and my plan worked great. My mom

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