How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here . It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My boyfriend, a 34-year-old man, and I, a 32-year-old woman, finally got together six months ago after over a decade of friendship. It’s fantastic, and our sex life is great. He’s on SSRIs and a pretty big stoner, so it takes him a while to get off, but that just means more fun for me, and we both finish every time.

But I’ve recently noticed something curious that he does. He jacks off in his sleep. It’s not like actual masturbation, really—usually short bursts of pretty aggressive stroking for 10 to 15 seconds two or three times in a row, never gets fully hard, and never to completion. I have no idea if it’s every night (I’m a heavy sleepe

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