WASHINGTON, D.C. - Several witnesses claimed they saw piles of clothes and personal items being thrown out of a White House window onto the front lawn this morning. Closer examination revealed the items belonged to Vice President Mike Pence and included cargo pants, a WOW 1998 CD, a Carman record, a well-worn copy of The Handmaid's Tale , several sweater vests, a Bill Gaither Homecoming VHS collection, several Boy Scouts badges, and a Bible.

According to sources, President Trump was spotted tossing the VP's belongings off the Truman balcony, yelling erratically about being betrayed and having wasted so many ketchup-and-steak dinners. Pence was seen shortly after, picking through the pile of items, and with his hands full, slumping away with them before coming back again for more. At on

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