LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local man Jerry Whipple, a self-described red-blooded, god-fearing follower of Christ, was outraged when he noticed all of the parts of the Bible he deemed to be “woke” were highlighted in red, close family members confirmed.

“These liberal New York book publishers are trying to ram their agenda down our throats. I can’t even open my very own Bible without being told to love my neighbor, and all this preachy horse crap about forgiveness. No thank you, my neighbor is a pile of dog mess who thinks Obama is an actual American and it makes me sick,” said Whipple while hand-carving a miniature crucifix. “Then there is all this slop about how I should care about the poor. Since when? I worked hard to get where I am. My dad owned multiple apartment buildings and it was my res

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