BEIJING - General Mark Milley was heard last night riding through the streets of Beijing, desperately warning the Chinese with the clarion call, "The Americans are coming! The Americans are coming!!"

"Hey look, those Chinese generals are my buddies, they deserve fair warning - I've known them for ten years now, and they are always so nice to me. They were super supportive about that whole Afghanistan withdrawal thing - those friendships are more important than some job," explained General Milley, America's highest-ranking military officer.

"I mean - they aren't close friends, we don't get together for poker or anything. But we do sometimes exchange funny memes and nuclear codes. We also play that game 'Battleship', but I use the actual coordinates of the 7th fleet, which adds that elemen

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