Is there a nicer sound in the world than the crack of a can of lager opening? People talk about the beauty of a baby gurgling, but if they’re totally honest with themselves, it’s just not as good as that crisp crack and thunk, the impossibly fresh-sounding gasp of the can exhaling slightly as it depressurises.

I love a beer, but if I’m totally honest, I get almost as much from that moment of opening a tin as I do from drinking its contents. It’s a ritual, a line being drawn under the day: nobody better expect me to achieve anything now, because I’m simply not going to! It’s my time.

However, that word “almost” is fairly load-bearing. Even the most hardcore advocates of 0 per cent lager would agree it isn’t quite the same. An alcohol-free lager is cold, crisp and refreshing, but doesn

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