OTTAWA, ON

After a week long public consultation process that included chatting with random dudes on the Internet, Ottawa has decided to update the national anthem for the 21st century by using lyrics from a briefly popular Canadian band from the early 1990s.

“We’ve searched far and wide and come up with the best possible anthem we could, considering we were given fifteen minutes and a dial-up Internet connection to do it,” said bill sponsor and Toronto MP Richard Huxley. “We’re going to switch out significant portions of the song with Crash Test Dummies lyrics.”

In the new version, the line ‘God keep our land’ will be replaced with the Crash Test Dummies line, ‘God shuffled his feet.’

“Personally I think it’s quite poignant,” said Huxley. “We’re also replacing the first two lines of t

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