WINDSOR, ON

A Canadian Mennonite family has been detained at the Windsor-Detroit border this afternoon after the Canadian border officer spotted Mr. Friesen’s dirty rubber boots and suspected their might be a problem.

“How long have you had those manure-caked rubber boots?” said the officer. “Oh, and those suspenders looks awfully suspicious, too.”

In recent days, Canadians have been accused of smuggling footwear back into the country using a wide variety of sneaky tactics.

“The dirtier they are, the more I get suspicious,” said the officer. “These Canadian Mennonites will do anything to get their hands on a pair of cheap American shit kickers.”

Mr. Friesen insisted he’d always had those boots, though the officer decided to take him in for questioning anyway.

“They tested them like c

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