LOS ANGELES — Emergency crews were dispatched to the newly opened Tesla Diner after six patrons were left with life-threatening injuries as a result of one of the restaurant’s tuna melt sandwiches blowing up, witnesses have confirmed.

“It was actually a pretty smooth meal until I got to the third bite. That’s when the damn thing started smoking and then exploded searing tuna and cheese all over the place! Considering the bread can only be put out with a chemical extinguisher, I was able to walk away with only half my face burnt off. I’m a little disappointed considering it was a two month wait to get a table,” said victim Troy Williams. “Still, I have to trust Elon knows best and he’ll figure out why the tuna was sourced from an exploding fish hatchery. I’m hoping he sees my post on X and

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