WASHINGTON D.C. - Fear spread among Republicans as Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was immediately struck blind upon referring to Joe Biden as "President-elect."

In reaction to the Electoral College vote, McConnell said on the floor of the Senate, "Today, I want to congratulate President-elect Joe Biden." Right after he said it, McConnell yelled, "Ahh! I can't see!" Most Republicans took this as punishment for McConnell's faithlessness in the true presidential election winner, President Trump, and no other Republican followed suit in referring to Biden as the winner.

"It surely is an act of God!" exclaimed Senator Marco Rubio, but reportedly at the same time that McConnell was struck blind, some witnesses saw Trump running by, yelling, "You think Biden won? Have some eye acid!"

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