By Nikki Hollis, aged 34 and showing it

MY SPLIT from Tom eight months ago was hard for both of us. He’d become complacent and I wanted to find myself and explore new horizons, meaning I’d met someone hotter.

We both agreed it was for the best that he didn’t know about the other guy, him tacitly. But after that one fell through I discovered I was in fact exploring soul-destroying Tinder dates with men with profile pictures taken in 2008 who say ‘banter is life’ during foreplay.

Whether their passion is crypto or choking, it’s painful. A divorced dad told me mid-coitus that I climax like his ex-wife. A model railway enthusiast got stronger erections for a 1:76 scale signal box.

Around the 30th date, I realised two things. Firstly, everyone decent my age is taken or dead. Secondly, none

See Full Page