WASHINGTON, D.C. - News anchors are warning of a shocking new threat as tens of thousands of Americans are brazenly planning to cross state lines next week, with the ostensible purpose of eating turkey and perhaps even a slice of pie.

"State lines! State lines! Aaa!!" screamed Nicole Wallace, making scary faces and waving her hands. "The one line I thought that even Republicans would never cross was a state line. Those evil ogres! Trampling the most sacred of all boundaries! Have they no shame?"

Although previously thought to be innocuous, passing over a state line was recently discovered to be a marker of murderous intent and racism. Local man Geoff Myer, who for decades has traveled a few miles to see his mom across the Illinois border, was shocked to realize he harbored homicidal inte

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