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Talking about suicide can feel scary. But new data has found one in three Australian teenagers have thought about, planned or attempted suicide in the last 12 months – so starting the conversation is crucial.

The report, released on Tuesday by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, found female teens were more likely (38%) than males (31%) to report suicidal thoughts and behaviours. These peaked for both at 16–17 years old.

For girls these experiences begin to decline after 17. But for boys they either stayed the same or, in the case of planning, continued to increase between 17 and 19.

Worryingly, for some (9% of males and 6% of females) a suicide attempt did not always involve prior thinking or planning.

But there can be warning signs.

If you’re concerned about your teenager, or you notice changes in how they’re talking or behaving, it’s best to speak up. You might worry it will make things worse, but research confirms there is no harm and can actually help. Asking directly and listening without judgement lets your teen know they’re not alone.

Signs your teen might be struggling

Suicidal thoughts can be difficult to spot, but there are things you can look for. These include:

  • sudden changes in mood, including becoming unusually angry or irritable

  • talking about feeling hopeless or worthless

  • saying things like “I don’t want to be here any more”

  • withdrawing from friends and family

  • losing interest in things they once enjoyed

  • changes in eating, sleeping, or personal hygiene

  • using drugs or alcohol more often

  • talking or writing about death

  • giving away special belongings or making plans for after they’re gone.

Self-harm – such as cutting, burning or hitting themselves – is also a warning sign. It’s usually not about wanting to die, but a way of coping with emotional pain. Self-harm should always be taken seriously.

Should I talk to them about it?

Yes. Even if you’re unsure, it’s better to have the conversation than to stay silent. You could start with:

“You don’t seem like yourself right now. I care about you – is it okay if we talk?”

Give them space to talk. Don’t interrupt or try to fix things straight away. Just listen and thank them for trusting you if they open up.

How to ask about suicide and why it matters

This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most important. If you’re really worried, ask directly:

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

“Have you thought about ending your life?”

Avoid saying things like “You’re not thinking about doing something silly, are you?” This can feel dismissive or judgmental.

If they say yes, try to understand more:

“Do you have a plan for how you would end your life?”

“Have you thought about when or how you would end your life?”

“Have you done anything to prepare?”

People who have a plan are usually at the highest immediate risk of suicide. These questions can help you assess how serious things are and whether to seek assistance from emergency services.

What to do next

If you’re worried your teen is in immediate danger – for example, if they have a plan and intend to act on it – call 000 and ask for an ambulance.

Let them know you love them and that there is hope. Stay with them until help arrives.

At the emergency department, a mental health worker will assess your child and may speak with you both together and separately. They may recommend admission, but more often your child will go home with a treatment plan and a handover for your GP. They may also arrange for a community-based follow up.

If your teen refuses to go in an ambulance, you can contact the local Crisis Assessment and Treatment Team (CATT) through your closest public hospital. This is sometimes called the Psychiatric Emergency Team (PET).

These teams involve mental health professionals who can assess the risk and decide how best to support your teen. This may be a home visit or a stay in hospital.

If they’re not in immediate danger, take your teen to a GP, who can create a mental health treatment plan and refer them to a specialist such as a psychologist or psychiatrist.

There can be long wait times for a specialist appointment. While you wait, you may want to ask your GP to help develop a plan with practical strategies. Or you can visit a walk-in Medicare mental health centre, which provides immediate, free, short and medium-term care. You can also access free and immediate support from the organisations listed below.

It’s also a good idea to work together on a safety plan – a step-by-step guide for what to do if the thoughts come back. Free tools such as the Beyond Now app can help them create and share this plan.

Don’t forget to look after yourself

Supporting a child with suicidal thoughts is incredibly hard and feeling scared, exhausted or helpless is normal.

But you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to a friend, doctor or counsellor. Looking after yourself puts you in a stronger position to support your child.

You are not alone

If you or your child need urgent support, help is available 24/7:

Reaching out can feel scary, but it can make a real difference, and it might be what your child needs most right now.

This article is republished from The Conversation, a nonprofit, independent news organization bringing you facts and trustworthy analysis to help you make sense of our complex world. It was written by: Milena Heinsch, University of Tasmania and Campbell Tickner, University of Tasmania

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The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.