PITTSBURGH, PA — Upon witnessing the unbridled joy that comes with being treated for Hepatitis B, local man Mark Stanton has set his hopes on one day achieving that same level of happiness.

"I wish just once to feel the glee of those people being treated for a severe liver infection," said Stanton forlornly. "There they go riding off in a jeep to eat shrimp on the docks, while here I sit alone eating my microwaved Salisbury steak. If only!"

According to scenes in the commercial, patients facing a serious chronic liver infection radiate unending joy while playing pickle ball and eating bar-b-que with dozens of attractive friends. "Comparatively, my life seems so dull and empty," said Stanton. "I'm hauling my healthy liver to the same boring job every day, then coming home to the same bori

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