Aug 16, 2025; Denver, Colorado, USA; Arizona Cardinals head coach Jonathan Gannon during the second quarter against the Denver Broncos at Empower Field at Mile High. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-Imagn Images
Aug 15, 2025; Atlanta, Georgia, USA; Atlanta Falcons head coach Raheem Morris on the sideline against the Tennessee Titans in the first quarter at Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Brett Davis-Imagn Images
Aug 15, 2025; Lake Forest, IL, USA; Buffalo Bills head coach Sean McDermott addresses the media at Halas Hall before joint training camp practice with the Chicago Bears ahead of Sunday's preseason game. Mandatory Credit: Kamil Krzaczynski-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Arlington, Texas, USA; Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh looks on during the second half against the Dallas Cowboys at AT&T Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jerome Miron-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Houston, Texas, USA; Carolina Panthers head coach Dave Canales (right) talks with owner David Tepper before the game against the Houston Texans at NRG Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-Imagn Images
Aug 15, 2025; Lake Forest, IL, USA; Chicago Bears head coach Ben Johnson addresses the media at Halas Hall before joint training camp practice with the Buffalo Bills ahead of Sunday's preseason game. Mandatory Credit: Kamil Krzaczynski-Imagn Images
Aug 18, 2025; Landover, Maryland, USA; Cincinnati Bengals head coach Zac Taylor looks on from the bench against the Washington Commanders during the fourth quarter at Northwest Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-Imagn Images
Jul 23, 2025; Berea, OH, USA; Cleveland Browns head coach Kevin Stefanski talks to the media during training camp at CrossCountry Mortgage Campus. Mandatory Credit: Ken Blaze-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Arlington, Texas, USA; Dallas Cowboys head coach Brian Schottenheimer during the second half against the Baltimore Ravens at AT&T Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Kevin Jairaj-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Denver, Colorado, USA; Denver Broncos head coach Sean Payton before the game against the Arizona Cardinals at Empower Field at Mile High. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Detroit, Michigan, USA; Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell on the sidelines during the Lions game against the Miami Dolphins in the first quarter at Ford Field. Mandatory Credit: Lon Horwedel-Imagn Images
Green Bay Packers coach Matt LaFleur leads his team againt the New York Jets during their football game Saturday, August 9, 2025, at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Dan Powers/USA TODAY NETWORK-Wisconsin.
Aug 9, 2025; Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA; Houston Texans head coach Demeco Ryans looks on during the fourth quarter against the Minnesota Vikings at U.S. Bank Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jeffrey Becker-Imagn Images
Indianapolis Colts head coach Shane Steichen talks to press Tuesday, June 10, 2025, during NFL Colts mandatory mini camp at the Indiana Farm Bureau Football Center in Indianapolis.
Aug 17, 2025; New Orleans, Louisiana, USA; Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Liam Coen looks on against the New Orleans Saints during the first half at Caesars Superdome. Mandatory Credit: Stephen Lew-Imagn Images
Aug 15, 2025; Seattle, Washington, USA; Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid stands on the sideline during the fourth quarter against the Seattle Seahawks at Lumen Field. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Paradise, Nevada, USA; Las Vegas Raiders head coach Pete Carroll walks off the field after the Raiders were defeated by the San Francisco 49ers 22-19 at Allegiant Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Stephen R. Sylvanie-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Inglewood, California, USA; Los Angeles Chargers coach Jim Harbaugh reacts during the game against the Los Angeles Rams at SoFi Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-Imagn Images
Aug 14, 2025; Carson, CA, USA; Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVay watches during a joint practice against the Los Angeles Rams at the Dignity Health Sports Park. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; Detroit, Michigan, USA; Miami Dolphins head coach Mike McDaniels looks on from the sidelines in their game against the Detroit Lions in the first quarter at Ford Field. Mandatory Credit: Eamon Horwedel-Imagn Images
Dec 8, 2024; Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA; Minnesota Vikings head coach Kevin O'Connell looks on during the second quarter against the Atlanta Falcons at U.S. Bank Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Matt Krohn-Imagn Images
Aug 8, 2025; Foxborough, Massachusetts, USA; New England Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel walks onto the field before a game against the Washington Commanders at Gillette Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Brian Fluharty-Imagn Images
Aug 17, 2025; New Orleans, Louisiana, USA; New Orleans Saints head coach Kellen Moore looks on against the Jacksonville Jaguars during the second half at Caesars Superdome. Mandatory Credit: Stephen Lew-Imagn Images
Aug 16, 2025; East Rutherford, New Jersey, USA; New York Giants head coach Brian Daboll waves to fans prior to a game against the New York Jets at MetLife Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Rich Barnes-Imagn Images
Jul 25, 2025; Florham Park, NJ, USA; New York Jets head coach Aaron Glenn speaks to the media during training camp at Atlantic Health Jets Training Center. Mandatory Credit: John Jones-Imagn Images
Jun 10, 2025; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles head coach Nick Sirianni addresses media during a press conference at NovaCare Complex. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Ross-Imagn Images
Jan 4, 2025; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA; Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin looks at the scoreboard against the Cincinnati Bengals during the second quarter at Acrisure Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Barry Reeger-Imagn Images
Aug 9, 2025; Santa Clara, California, USA; San Francisco 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan watches from the sidelines in the first quarter against the Denver Broncos at Levi's Stadium. Mandatory Credit: David Gonzales-Imagn Images
Jan 5, 2025; Inglewood, California, USA; Los Angeles Rams head coach Mike Macdonald on the sidelines in the fourth quarter of the game against the Los Angeles Rams at SoFi Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-Imagn Images
Aug 9, 2025; Tampa, Florida, USA; Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Todd Bowles looks on after a preseason game against the Tennessee Titans at Raymond James Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Nathan Ray Seebeck-Imagn Images
Tennessee Titans Head Coach Brian Callahan fields questions from the media during Day 6 of training camp at Ascension Saint Thomas Sports Park in Nashville, Tenn., Friday, Aug. 1, 2025.
Aug 6, 2025; Foxborough, MA, USA; Washington Commanders head coach Dan Quinn holds a press conference before training camp at Gillette Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Eric Canha-Imagn Images
Jul 27, 2025; Oxnard, CA, USA; Dallas Cowboys coach Brian Schottenheimer at training camp at the River Ridge Fields. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-Imagn Images

On Wednesday, the NFL announced a generative AI partnership with Microsoft.

It will apparently allow NFL coaches access to a Microsoft Copilot feature on their in-game tablets that will "help" them with all kinds of situations and problems every Sunday. As the Los Angeles Rams' Sean McVay professed, "it's going to be a big deal." You know, like the dot-com bubble, Facebook's "pivot to video," Skype, cryptocurrency, and non-fungible tokens before it. You better believe the future is here, dearest readers. Either thoughtlessly and shamelessly buy into it with all of your public credibility, goodwill, and financial resources, or get left behind.

Your choice!

This perplexing agreement (why does the NFL, of all companies anywhere, need to be involved in AI?) announced just over two weeks before the start of the 2025 regular season got us thinking. How would all 32 coaches try to use the Copilot feature? What kinds of questions and queries would they feed into a (glorified dopamine) machine? How would they enhance their coaching performance with a machine that may or may not be simply telling them what they want to hear?

Below you will find our best theories and best guesses at the totally serious problems each active NFL head coach would try to get to the bottom of, whether they're related to a game or not.

Note: These are jokes, JOKES, not real suggestions.

Jonathan Gannon (Arizona Cardinals): What does an NFL coach do?

Raheem Morris (Atlanta Falcons): Should I draft Kyle Pitts in fantasy?

Sean McDermott (Buffalo Bills): Inspirational speeches not involving terrorist cells

John Harbaugh (Baltimore Ravens): How much leeway with "zero tolerance" policy?

Dave Canales (Carolina Panthers): History of short NFL QBs

Ben Johnson (Chicago Bears): What to do in Chicago in January?

Zac Taylor (Cincinnati Bengals): Mike Brown is jerk, so why Zac Taylor hate?

Kevin Stefanski (Cleveland Browns): Is my boss trying to get me to quit?

Brian Schottenheimer (Dallas Cowboys): Are you going to take my job?

Sean Payton (Denver Broncos): Can 7-foot NBA centers also play QB?

Dan Campbell (Detroit Lions): What's a field goal?

Matt LaFleur (Green Bay Packers): What does "guaranteed" money mean for NFL QB?

DeMeco Ryans (Houston Texans): Average Texas high school football attendance compared to Texans

Shane Steichen (Indianapolis Colts): How to get old job back after quitting?

Liam Coen (Jacksonville Jaguars): Do Jaguars actually play in Duval?

Andy Reid (Kansas City Chiefs): Billy Madison 2 cameo?

Pete Carroll (Las Vegas Raiders): How many microplastics in Cobb salads?

Jim Harbaugh (Los Angeles Chargers): Raw milk superpowers???

Sean McVay (Los Angeles Rams): Why don't you try asking me a question?

Mike McDaniel (Miami Dolphins): Quirky, aloof jokes to go viral

Kevin O'Connell (Minnesota Vikings): Bud Grant friendly ghost??

Mike Vrabel (New England Patriots): *Smashed his tablet to pieces before Copilot could load*

Kellen Moore (New Orleans Saints): Quarterback broken, what do I do now?

Brian Daboll (New York Giants): BRIAN DABOLL

Aaron Glenn (New York Jets): Can you run QB Draw every play?

Nick Sirianni (Philadelphia Eagles): [Expletive] the Cowboys

Mike Tomlin (Pittsburgh Steelers): Relaxation techniques after talking to middle-aged manchild

Kyle Shanahan (San Francisco 49ers): Lee Harvey Oswald living relatives?

Mike Macdonald (Seattle Seahawks): Why does it say "did you mean Mike McDaniel?" every time I search name?

Todd Bowles (Tampa Bay Buccaneers): IMDB for CSI Mark Harmon

Brian Callahan (Tennessee Titans): Broadway happy hour on Sunday night?

Dan Quinn (Washington Commanders): Keyboard cat real? How to meet

This article originally appeared on For The Win: NFL AI partnership: What all 32 coaches would (totally seriously) ask

Reporting by Robert Zeglinski and Christian D'Andrea, For The Win / For The Win

USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect