“Moby-Dick” Book Report Clearly Written by Kid Who Just Listened to Mastodon

BUHL, Idaho — A book report on epic 1851 novel “Moby-Dick” by 10th grader Nick Henderson had clearly been written after having only listened to metal band Mastodon’s 2004 album “Leviathan,” exasperated sources report.

“Ugh, I’ve seen this every year for the past two decades,” Henderson’s English teacher Jennifer Certo complained. “My students must take me for a complete idiot if they think they can get away with listening to a metal album in lieu of reading one of the most revered novels in history. I encouraged my students to see this story as a metaphor for the search for meaning in a world that surrounds us with illusion and deception. Nick just described an altercation with the whale based on lyrics to the song ‘Iron Tusk.’ Honestly, I’d be less insulted if he just used AI to write th