HINESVILLE, GA - The Coronavirus pandemic ended suddenly this week, but all the Christians who said they'd come back to church when it was over are still absent. Pastor Nathaniel Pewston reportedly thought this new development was "weird and also dumb. And stupid."

When Pastor Pewston delivered his sermon on Sunday he was expecting the pews to be packed with long-absent brethren, but he instead found himself face to face with the same ten people he sees every week.

"There are no more mask mandates. We're allowed to actually sing. Even the media has given up on COVID," said Pewston, straying from his prepared lesson.

"Where is everybody? Where is the Benson family? Where are the Flemings?"

"I'm still here," said church deacon John Gardner.

Eyewitnesses allege Pewston rolled his eye

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