SIMPSONVILLE, SC - Despite working from home, local man Jarron Bullenix learned today that his lifestyle is anything but sedentary when he rose for his second cupboard visit before noon, causing his Apple Watch to congratulate him for hitting his daily "Stand" goal.
"Well done - you just hit your stand goal for the day!" The buzzing watch at first startled Jarron, but eyewitnesses confirm that a smile crept across his face when he realized he was being recognized for achieving another trip to the kitchen for Kettle Chips and trail mix.
"Usually it's all bad news with this contraption, and at the worst times too," Jarron said. "This 'well done' sure beats the 'Weekly Screen Time Report' guilting me every Sunday morning in the middle of church, and the same with the 'Time To Stand!' notifi