Itook my kids to the mall last week because it was too hot to do anything else. We ended up in one of those stores that used to be called “As Seen on TV,” but now it’s basically a makeshift TikTok storefront, selling freeze-dried candy and those Fuggler dolls with horrible teeth. A parent was standing at the front, asking the cashier which Pokémon card pack was the “good” one. She was clearly anxious to get the right thing for her kid lest she come home with something other than a 151 or Evolving Skies pack, ruining her poor child’s entire existence.

I remember warning my own parents that if I didn’t get a My Pretty Ballerina for my 9th birthday, it was over for everyone. But while I was as explicit as was humanly possible with them about this request, I was still nervous they’d get to

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