SPRINGFIELD, OH — As viral videos and reports of migrants abducting and eating housepets and geese swept the nation, a large mob of Ohio cats took to the streets to protest Haitian immigration.

The crowd of protesting cats — many of which claimed to be survivors of attempted eatings — carried picket signs and stopped traffic to call attention to the dangers Haitian migrants posed to American society at large, and the local cat population in particular.

"End immigration meow!" one cat shouted as he marched through the streets. "We are pets — not food! My brother went for a brisk evening stroll last night, and the next thing you know, he's been roasted on a spit over a crude campfire in an alley behind O'Reilly Auto Parts! We can't be expected to live like this! Send these dangerous migran

See Full Page